My first Journal Entry! I don't do this stuff often but it's exam week and I'll go crazy if I don't do something - no matter how pointless. So here we go.



THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT
Something important on your desk: Old flower vase (given to me by kyle on our one year anniversary - complete with purple tulips, not roses) full of pens and highlighters.
When you sleep you wear: T-shirt and boxers.
If you could afford it at the moment, you would buy: More Christmas presents! *for other people*
Something you don't have a lot of: Indifference
If your house was burning and you could only save 3 items what would they be: Box of notebooks from the last four and a half years, my Box O' Kyle full of letters, pictures, and other sweet little things like my "Will You Marry Me?" slab of marble, and my cell phone - for now it's the closest thing to a boyfriend I have (long-distance relationship).

MORALS
If there were no side effects, you would enjoy being addicted to: Karate. But it's hell on all the joints below the waist.
A time when you purposely hurt someone emotionally: Nothing comes to mind...I'm with Jasmin on the 'bad karma' thing.
A time you accidentally hurt someone emotionally: Long time ago, Junior High age, that's in the past.
One person you have killed in your thoughts: Various professors who acted unfairly to anyone, not just me. The kid in my Biology class who said "All retarded people look the same." Gossippers. THAT DAMN WOMAN WHO COULDN'T GIVE 30 CENTS TO UNICEF ON HALLOWEEN!!

FRIENDS
Three traits you look for in a friend: Wow, Jasmin! We're the same!! passion, sense of humor, weird voices/singing whilst talking. (I do it, so I look for it.)
Who makes you laugh most often: Carolyn, Jasmin, Kyle
A friend who you can tell anything: Jasmin - she understands my sympathy for all things pitiful.
A friend you can go to for advice: Jasmin, Laura, Brandi
The best piece of advice you had been given: "Be proud of yourself. Don't do anything that will make you feel ashamed because you only have to look at YOURSELF in the mirror in the morning."
Two closest friends: Carolyn and Jasmin. Kyle's in a league all his own.
The friend who uses most of your energy: Jasmin, with all the fundraisers and causes and passion that I feel like I have to match.

EGO
Your 3 best qualities: Considerate, passion, thirst for knowledge.
Your 3 worst qualities: Preoccupation with "Who Am I" - inability to just "BE," The ability to get too attached too fast, and my inclination to judge people who don't put the same emphasis on beauty, literature, art, and meaning that I do.
Describe your Ideal self: Joyful and still never content.
You are embarassed when: I don't know anybody
The greatest physical pain you ever endured: My last three periods before I started taking medicine for it. Not just normal girly cramps, let me tell ya.
The greatest emotional pain you ever endured: It was about this time two years ago that I started visiting Kyle in Spartanburg again and came to think that he didn't want to end up with me anymore. I thought I'd blown my chance.
Moment you are most ashamed of: There are so many...
Your best physical feature: hair?
Who/What makes you happy: ACTIVISTS, Ani DiFranco, Dar Williams, Carolyn, Jasmin, Brandi, Kyle, Laura, Ducky, the progression of gay rights, Chattanooga's Unitarian Universalist Church, books, Zen, Buddhism, The Dalai Lama, Chocolate (not M&M's/Mars), Ramen Noodle, notebooks, clean paper, the smell of school supplies, new pens, scarves, coats, cold weather, the idea of one day attending some activist rally, Thursday, Christmas presents, CNN, ABC Family, Gilmore Girls, Literature, the search for meaning, MCKAY!!!, getting email, MOVING BACK TO CHATTANOOGA!!
Who/what makes you sad: Moving back to Chattanooga - leaving Kyle, Conservative thought, people holding too strongly to tradition, the sound of Dubya's voice (on CNN now), whole wheat bread, death, destruction, people thinking that we should deal with problems in America before even trying to extend helping hands to other countries, loneliness.

EMOTIONS
Emotion you hide most: Disappointment.
The emotion you tend to experience most: Aggrivation or doubt
The emotion you are feeling most lately: anticipation
You have a huge amount of guilt regarding: Moving back to Chattanooga
When you are angry you need: a friend on the phone
When you are sentimental you need: a friend on the phone
When you are in love you need: Nothing but the company of that person.

MEMORIES
One of your most peaceful memories: being in a bookstore with money to burn
One of your most tragic memories: realizing that my beliefs may or may not coincide with others. But it made me stronger and less vulnerable to judgement.
One of your angriest memories: None of them seem as terrible as they did at the time. "I don't know why red fades before blue, it just does." -Ani DiFranco.
A memory that makes you laugh: Dance-off with Ducky!
A memory that makes you happy: Shaving creme fights(jasmin and company), toothpaste fights (kyle), bookstores, entire days out in the summer, fathom memories, family memories at Christmas, long trips in the car with friends
Something someone can say or do that you find extremely attractive: Passion, tallent of any kind, respectable outlooks
Something someone can say or do that you find unattractive: doing drugs to be cool, cussing because it's cool, destroying things because it's cool, being apathetic because it's cool
A personality trait you find appealing: wit
Your secret passion: Learning about religions
What do you enjoy most about having a committed relationship: Not having to date ever again. I'm bad at it and it's always disappointing. Not wondering who you're going to meet and end up with and what they're past was like and what about themselves they're not telling you

RELATING
Do you have a bf/gf if yes who? Yes, Kyle
A place where you want to have sex: Seriously?
A strange place where you have had sex: Who would answer that??
What music is on when you have sex, or is it the tv?: Oh my
Favorite song to have sex to: There's more to relating than sex
Describle your perfect mate's personality: Immature but also mature, funny, low-maintenance, plays guitar, works at Brusters, cares about his family and friends to the point that he'd sacrifice his own time, etc. for them.
You feel most attractive when: I am told that I am.
Favorite thing you like to see your mate wear (clothing wise don't say naked): It's never mattered to me...

FINALLY
If you had more time alone you would: Read more, learn more
If you had more patience you would: Understand people better.
If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be: incredibly small boobs...
If you had no committments what would you be doing: Going to the Students for a Free Tibet conference in California, moving west to be with the liberals, traveling and following conferences on literature and poetry
If you could have one super power what would it be: "Super GEEKY READING action!" -Jasmin
If you could start all over....: I wouldn't change a thing...